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This is the transcript for Lynn's Very Own First Episode, the pilot episode for The Adventures of Lynn Loud.

Transcript

[BACKDROP OF THE LOUD HOUSE, CUTS TO LINCOLN]

Lincoln: In a family as big as mine, you never know when a sister might barge into my room!

[LYNN BARGES IN]

Lynn: Hey Linc! Nice show you’re doin’! Mind if I steal your video camera so I can do a show?

Lincoln: Sure! As soon as I’m done, which might take 11 minutes.

Lynn: Thanks Linc!

[LYNN LEAVES]

Lincoln: So, as I was saying…

[SCENE CUTS TO LYNN IN LUNA’S ROOM]

Luna: Hey Lynn! What are you doing here?

Lynn: You play the drums right?

Luna: Yeah, why?

Lynn: I like the drums, so can I take drum lessons?

Luna: Ok, sis. I will give you my old drums. I’ll get you sticks.

Lynn (smiling): Thanks Luna!

Lucy: Would you like to hear my new poem? It’s called “Drums”. Drums, They are …

Lynn (yelling): NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR STUPID POEMS!!!!

Lucy: Sigh.

[LINCOLN SHOWS UP IN LYNN’S ROOM]

Lincoln: Here’s my camera, you can use it now. And please, please take really good care of it!

Lynn: Thanks Linc! And I will take good care of it, I promise!

[LINCOLN LEAVES ROOM]

Lynn (to the audience): I know Lincoln doesn’t share a room, so let me show you how it’s like here in my room. I unfortunately share my room with Lucy, and it sometimes gets on my nerves a lot. Lucy sometimes snores, which is REALLY annoying. Also, every morning, she recites her dark, moody poetry, which freaks me out a lot. And most of all, she doesn’t let me play football in our room, because she says it distracts her from writing her poetry.

Lynn: Something smells weird here…

Lily (giggling): Poo-poo!

Lynn (covering her nose): I found Lily’s diaper! It reeks! (to Lily) Let me get you a new diaper! (to Leni) will you change her diaper? I have soccer practice!

[LENI CHANGES LILY’S DIAPER. FIRST IT GOES AROUND HER HEAD, THEN ON LENI’S HEAD, THEN FINALLY, AROUND LILY’S BOTTOM]

Leni: Did I do it right?

Lynn: The first 2 times, no. The 3rd time, yes. (to herself) I should have asked Lori to do it.

Lynn (to Lori): Please drive me to soccer practice! My team can’t start without me! (thinking to herself) And Lucas Nelson will be there, and I can’t stop thinking about him!

Lori: I’ll drive you. As soon as you make my bed.

Lynn: Do your own chores! I’ll have Leni drive me then.


Lori: Yeah, about that. She kinda doesn’t have her license yet…

Lynn: Because of you! If you weren’t there, I would’ve had Leni drive me!

Lori: Fine, I’ll make my own bed! Get in Vanzilla.

Lynn: Ok, let me just get my uniform on.

Lincoln: Can I come?

Lynn: This is just practice, not a game but you and everyone else can come too. Lori, Leni, get in the front. (to herself) I’m getting the “Sweet Spot”.

Lucy, Lana, Lola, Lisa, Lily, Luan, Luna (at the same time): No, I am!

[THEY START FIGHTING]

Lynn (to the audience): In a family as big as mine, fights happen for little things, like a seat in Vanzilla, the remote, even who gets the last slice of pizza! (to everyone) It’s my practice, so I get the Sweet Spot!

[SCENE CUTS TO SOCCER PRACTICE]

Lynn: Hey Lucas! (whispering, as in making a plan) remember, always pass to me.

Lucas (whispering): Ok. Why are we whispering?

Lynn (whispering): I don’t know. (normal voice) Remember the plan.

Lucas: Ok.

[MONTAGE OF SOCCER PRACTICE, LASTING ABOUT 1 MINUTE, ENDING WITH LYNN AND LUCAS TALKING]

Lucas: Hey Lynn, you’re easily the best player on our team.

Lynn: Thanks, Lucas! I know everybody says that about me.

Lucas: No problem! Anyways, do you want to play Madden NFL online with me tonight?

Lynn: Sure, but in a few hours, okay?

Lynn (to audience): You know the boy who I was talking to? He is my boyfriend Lucas Nelson. We have been together for just 2 months, but our relationship grows and grows everyday, and we can never stop texting each other. He is really into cars and video games, and in fact, he got me hooked on those two interests. He is also into sports like me! I really hope we will be together for a long time.

[LORI PULLS UP]

Lori: Time to go, Lynn!

Lynn: Coming!

[LYNN RUNS TO VANZILLA; SCENE CUTS BACK TO LOUD HOUSE AND SHOWS LOUD FAMILY FIGHTING]

Leni: I was going to play Super Mega Fashion Designer 9!

Luna: No! I wanted to play Guitar Hero before you did!

Lola (yelling): BEAUTY BEFORE AGE!!!

Lana: That means I should play Call of Duty!

Lynn (to audience): In a house as big as this, there is not only a rush to see who gets the TV first, but the same goes for video games. This especially goes insane when Lori isn’t around. But fortunately, I always have a plan.

Luan: I’m going to play Conker! I’m going to play Conker!

Lynn: Not even if you want to read this huge joke book?

Luan: Oh boy, do I!

[LUAN RUNS OFF TO HER ROOM; LORI COMES DOWNSTAIRS]

Lori: Oh boy, a new text from Bobby!

[LYNN TAKES PHONE FROM LORI]

Lynn: It would be a shame if something happened to your phone if you don’t let me have the game console. (holds up a hammer)

Lori (yelling): LYNN, I AM LITERALLY GOING TO KILL YOU RIGHT NOW IF YOU DON’T GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE IN ONE SECOND!

Lynn: Sheesh, here’s your phone, Lori.

Lori: I wasn’t going to play video games anyways, as I was just getting a snack. I would take your phone and games away, but this time, I’ll let it slide.

Lynn (to audience): Sorry you had to see that. But in case if everything else fails, I always have a backup plan.

[LYNN GOES INTO HER MOM’S ROOM]

Lynn: Can I please play video games now? Lincoln’s been hogging the game system all day, and I got there first!

Mrs. Loud: Alright, you can play video games, but just for one hour, okay honey? After that, Luna can play because I know she really wants to play her Guitar Hero. Maybe you can play with her after you’re done?

Lynn: Thanks, mom

[LYNN RUNS OUT DOOR; SCENE CUTS TO LYNN PLAYING MADDEN NFL ONLINE]

Lynn: Hey Lucas! How are you doing?

Lucas: Hey Lynn! I’m doing really well.

Lynn: So, you want to play an online Madden match?

Lucas: Sure, why not?

Lynn: One second till game time, woo!

Lucas: I wonder what team we will be on…

Lynn: Yes! We’re the Los Angeles Rams, my favorite!

Lucas: I think the Steelers are better, but I do like the Rams.

[30 SECOND MONTAGE OF LYNN AND LUCAS PLAYING MADDEN]

Lynn: ONE… MORE… YARD… THEN…

Luna: It’s been an hour, so it’s time for me to rock out and play Guitar Hero!

Lynn: Luna, I was about to win this game.

Luna: If you don’t let me play now, then no more drum lessons for you.

Lynn: In one minute, okay?

[LUCAS MAKES THE WINNING TOUCHDOWN]

Lucas: I did it! I got the winning touchdown!

Lynn: Good for you, bro!

Lucas: Do you want to play another match, Lynn?

Lynn: Sure! (looks at an annoyed Luna) Actually, my sister really wants to play Guitar Hero.

Lucas: I know that feeling. My brother always wants to play his Sonic all the time, and I’ve given 2 hours to play before we take turns.

Lynn: 2 Hours! That’s more than I get! In this family, we take turns every hour!

Lucas: That’s awfully short, Lynn. Have you talked to your mom about extending the time yet?

Luna: Is it my turn yet?

Lynn: Actually, I have to go. I’ll text you tonight. Bye!

Luna: Thank you!

Lynn (to audience): In a huge family like this, when everyone isn’t fighting for the TV at the same time, mom and dad makes us have 1 hour turns everyday to have the TV to yourself. That makes everyone has the TV sometime during the day. I think it’s short, but if it’s fair, I’ll take it.

Mrs. Loud: Dinner time!

Luna: Aw dang, I just started my game of Guitar Hero!

Mrs. Loud: Pause the game. You can play it more after dinner.

Luna: Ugh, fine, mom.

[AT DINNER]

Lynn: Hey dad, did you order fast food!

Mr. Loud: Sure did, honey.

Lynn: Thanks!

Mr. Loud: Alright, enjoy your meal!

[LYNN SITS AT KIDDIE TABLE]

Lynn: Oh boy, meatball sandwiches! My favorite!

[LYNN STARTS EATING WHEN LOLA THROWS CHICKEN NUGGET]

Lynn: Hey!

Luan: Oh, it is on.

[LUAN THROWS FRIES AT LUCY; FOODFIGHT BEGINS]

Lucy: I don't even want to eat, just whatever, I'll do it. [THROWS FRIES]

[LINCOLN THROWS CHEESE AT LISA]

Lincoln: Ha, cheesehead!

Lisa: You were off the center of my face by 5.4 millimeters! [SQUIRTS KETCHUP AT LENI]

Leni: Take this! [POURS DRINK ON LUNA]

Luna: Here's something for you, sis! [THROWS BURGER AT LORI]

Lori: Oh, and this is what you get for taking my phone out of my hand today. [SQUIRTS MUSTARD IN LYNN'S EYE]

Lynn (yelling): OK, THAT IS ENOUGH!!! WHY CAN'T I ENJOY MY DINNER IN PEACE!!!

Lana: Did somebody say peas? Oh wait, it's fast food night.

Lynn (yelling): WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE A FOODFIGHT AT THE DINNER TABLE! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! I'm just going to eat on the couch. (to audience) As you've just seen over there, my family has foodfights often, and it goes insane especially in a family as big as this. It's to the point where on fast food or pizza nights, I just ask to sit on the couch. There's also the added benefit of watching the football game while I'm eating. [BEGINS EATING]

[AFTER DINNER, IN THE LOUD'S LIVING ROOM]

Luna: Guitar Hero is ROCKIN'!

Lynn: Ugh, too loud!

[1 HOUR LATER]

Lynn: In conclusion, that is how my everyday life goes, and everyday there is a lot chaos for everybody in my family, even Lily, the baby! I will also film more episodes soon, so stay tuned!

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