"Chaperone Alone" is a fan-made Season 2 episode of The Loud House conceived by Frostare. Made in script form, after looking at some at the official The Loud House Wiki. It follows some events from the episode "Making the Case". It will air on September 4, 2016.
Summary: After Lincoln surprisingly (and secretly) reconciles with his crush, Cristina, both agree to meet at her house without telling any of his sisters to avoid annoying chaperones. After getting to know Cristina's seemingly empty house though, he can't shake the uneasy feeling that something's missing.
[Outside view of the Loud House, where Lincoln can be heard humming in glee, cut to Lincoln's room where he is seen dressing up with his eyes closed, still humming. He suddenly opens his eyes and turns to the audience]
Lincoln: "In a family as big as mine, you always end up putting on your shirt as your pants!" [perplexed] "...wait what?"
[He turns to see he has done just that and fixes it immediately, a little ashamed].
Lincoln: "Oops, guess that didn't make sense did it? Sorry." [finishes putting on his clothes correctly while still speaking] "As you can probably tell, I'm a little distracted today, but there's a very good reason for that and after I tell you, you'll start believing in miracles too!"
[Leni's scream is heard from outside]
Lincoln: "Well, at least nothing can distract me from helping a sister in need!" [Lincoln takes several first-aid stuff out of a box until he comes across a shiny new plunger] "That sounds like it came from the bathroom!" [opens the door to the hallway] "Lana! Get me your most powerful..."
[A monstrous shadow is cast over Lincoln and he looks up to what's causing it, he screams and slams the door shut, barricading it with his body]
Lincoln: "No, not again, nooooo!" [to the viewers] "This can only mean one thing... But, how? I've never let the toilet seat up again since I was nine. With so many sisters I got, you bet I learned the lesson the hard way! I couldn't have been that distracted!"
[Lincoln's sisters barge into his room looking rather upset, Lori is specially furious and throws him out into the hall where they keep glaring at him, all except for Leni who is in towels and more shocked than angry].
Lori: "Lincoln! You get your own room and this is how you repay us? I thought you were mature enough to NOT make us go through this. Poor Leni couldn't even begin to shower!"
Lincoln: "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! My head was in the clouds today! I didn't mean to leave the... shower? Hold on a second... what is this all about?
Leni: "I even saw it wiggle!" [she cries, as Luna nods while patting her in the back to comfort her] "I wouldn't even dare touch the handle!"
Lynn: "Man, leaving your corporal hair around the shower handles? Worst way to show off your 'virility'."
Lola: "That's just plain gross, Lincoln!"
Lana: "I take you like to pee in the shower, but this goes too far!" [Lola looks at her, now even more grossed out]
Lucy: [appears from behind, scaring Lincoln] "Would've been better if it was a cockroach."
[All sisters complain at once].
Lincoln: "Okay, maybe I could have done that too." [to the complaining bunch] "Calm down everyone! As I saying just now, you caught me off guard. But I'll take care of this problem right now, Leni takes her shower and no worries. This won't happen ever again."
Lori: "It better not..." [gets closer to Lincoln to make her point clear] "...for the sake of your hair people actually see." [Lori pulls out a hair from his head to nail it down, the girls leave in disdain while Lincoln slowly heads to the bathroom's direction]
[Lincoln is seen standing at the shower bathtub, trying to untie a white hair from one of the handles]
Lincoln: "Great, there goes my only chest hair. How did I manage to get it so tangled anyway?" [to the audience, frustrated] "Sometimes I gotta do the most unimaginable things for the sake of my sisters. No kidding, it was because of them I revealed to the whole class the crush I had on one of my classmates, Cristina, in the most embarrassing way possible. Of course it didn't end well; she's not my classmate anymore." [Lincoln's face turns to joy] "Which brings me back to the miracle I was talking about earlier: Turns out Cristina's a fan of Muscle Fish comics like me! And when we found each other, the unthinkable happened."
[Flashback to the comic store, Lincoln and Cristina already discovered they were looking for the same comic and were exchanging awkward looks. After an absurdly long time that even the workers noticed, they finally smile at each other, back to Lincoln at the shower].
Lincoln: "And we agreed to meet again! School grounds are out of the question though; you can thank my sisters for that, and I don't think there's a way she'll come to my house either. So we decided we'll meet at her house and spend the afternoon. Okay now if you'll excuse me, I gotta get this thing out - no more distractions!
[Lincoln decides to tug from a loose end with all his might, successfully untangling it but making him fall into the bathtub in the process, Lincoln looks concerned that there's water in the tub].
Lincoln: "Huh, I thought Leni was too scared to even touch the handle."
Lori: [muffled, she's outside the bathroom] "Whoa Leni, your mouth is, literally, so dry!"
Leni:[from outside too] "I KNOW! I had to use my own mouth bathing water."
Lincoln: "Gaaah!" [gets off in a rush].
[Outside the school view, the bell rings and Lincoln is seen walking with Clyde through a foreign path]
Clyde: "I thought you were through with Cristina."
Lincoln: "That's the plan Clyde, and I hope everyone at my class is thinking that too. I get enough humiliation from my sisters at home."
Clyde: "Oh I get you, don't worry;" [heroic] "no one will keep your socially awkward secret like your socially awkward friend!" [worried] "But... what did you tell your parents?"
Lincoln: "That's where you come in, I told my parents you're accompanying us to a little study session at a friend's house. The perfect alibi to not get involved with"... [dramatic stare] "...chaperones." [turns to the viewers] "It's always a recipe for disaster in my family: When Lori started to see her boyfriend, Bobby, my parents assigned Leni to watch after her, and it only went downhill from there..."
[Several flashbacks take place, the first being of Lori dining with Bobby at an outdoors restaurant. Leni butts in].
Leni: "This is so romantic! You two would be, like, dimwits if you don't see each other again!" [to Bobby] "Are you sure you wanna stay with her though? She totes toots when nobody's looking."
Lori: "Leni! We're trying to have a conversation here!"
Leni: "That was a conversation? I thought you were staring at his ugly hair! Don't worry! If that's what's stopping you two from having something, I can help!" [grabs a brush from a nearby bench that's being worked on and passes it over Bobby's hair, Lori growls at Leni] "What? I left my hair dyes at home so I had to improvise." [Lori lunges at Leni].
[The next flashback shows Lynn at a football field, running to catch a pass while passing out a tall, gorgeous male player. She comes back with the football and tries to spark a conversation]
Lynn: "Hey handsome, maybe I'm ready to hit the big leagues!"
Lori: [suddenly arrives] "Not as long as I'm in them, incoming!" [she grabs Lynn as if she was the ball and throws her the other direction] "Home run!"
Lynn: [shouting from afar] "This isn't baseball!"
[The last flashback scene is Luan chilling, exchanging jokes with other fellows].
Luan: "And I told her: 'Orange you glad I'm not back to my old gags?' Hahaha" [they all start laughing until a soccer ball starts bouncing across the room, knocking the guys down but cleverly missing Luan.] "Get..." [concerned] "...it?"
Lynn: "Well, how was that? I think I'm ready to start playing pool!" [Excited] "Extreeeme pool!"
[Flashbacks end and we're back to Lincoln and Clyde]
Lincoln: [to Clyde] "And now it's Luan's turn to put me to shame!"
Clyde: "But you don't need a chaperone, you and Cristina are not actually going out."
Lincoln: "Not yet my dear Clyde! Err, I mean... I can't afford to take any risks. Cristina likes comics too! I still can't believe she'd forgive me after what I did. I cannot screw it up again."
Clyde: "Valid point."
[They reach Cristina's front porch]
Lincoln: "Alright we're here, see you tomorrow!" [suave] "And don't stop believing in miracles my young casanova!" [crosses the porch to her house]
Clyde: [suave] "I won't! [takes a breath freshener out]
Lincoln: [his head outside the porch] "Except if it involves Lori!"
Clyde: "Awww..." [puts the breath freshener back in]
[Lincoln gets to the front door and notices something odd with the facade... He's about to ring the doorbell but decides to be cautious first]
Lincoln: “Oh Luan, you're not getting me with another doorbell shocker.” [inspecting, then facepalming] “Oh, of course! They don't know I'm here.” [rings doorbell, is told to enter].
[He enters the house and notices the half-lit atmosphere, it's got stairs to a second floor, a kitchen to the left, a couch in front of a widescreen TV. It's almost as if...]
Lincoln: "It's like looking at my house through a mirror!" [Cristina runs to greet Lincoln] "Hey, hi Cristina!"
Cristina: ... [interrupted]
Lincoln: "I know, I know! We're not talking about what happened at school ever again. And I'm glad to inform you, I no longer do the creepy stuff you saw me do."
Cristina: ... [interrupted]
Lincoln: "I wouldn't worry about that either; none of my sisters know about our little thin-STUDY SESSION! Day out! Day out... to study and talk."
Cristina: "No, what I was about to say is that my parents are expecting us at the dining room, freako. It's over there, next to the kitchen."
Lincoln: "Oh, right." [chuckles] [they get to the dining room]
Lincoln: "Good ol' grown-up table, I never thought I'd be happy to get here again." [Cristina and her parents look puzzled] “Oh just some silly thing we have at our house. My family is so big we eat at two separate tables.” [proud tone] “Of course I get to eat with my most mature sisters.”
Cristina's Mom: “My, such a fine young lad! I don't know what you were so worried about sweetie.”
Cristina's Dad: “Now, now honey. Let's not get on Crissy's bad side and...”
Cristina's Dad: “Oh... what I was about to say was: Let's make our guest comfortable and show him around the house after we finish eating.”
Lincoln: “Oh I don't think that'd be necessary sir, this place is not that different from mine.”
Cristina's Dad: “Are you sure? This is no small place you know. Criss...”[Cristina stares at him]“...tina's five aunties used to live here before and each one had their own room. Ah... what times. Anyway, I don't want you to get lost.”
Cristina's Mom: “Well, if you need anything, give us a holler. We hope you feel right at home.”
Lincoln: “Thanks!” [to himself] “That's exactly what I'm not looking for.”
[At Cristina's room, both she and Lincoln are sitting down looking at their notebooks]
Lincoln: “Let's see, Animalia, Plantae, Fungi, Protista and, uh...”
Cristina: “How about... this guy!” [Shows Lincoln a sketch in her notebook's last pages]
Lincoln: “Whoa, cool monster! Looks like a comic book villain.”
Cristina: “It is! Algares the Forbidden, I made it myself as a fan villain for Muscle Fish, I just thought of this one early this week...”
Lincoln: “Wait, you mean you have drawn others?”
Cristina: “Yup, villains, sidekicks, heroes... all of my finished projects are stashed last door to the right before the bathroom. Wait, let me get some of the coolest ones!”
Lincoln: “I think I'll go. I have to visit that other room too.”
Cristina: “Okay... just” [Lincoln leaves] “Wash your hands before touching them!”
[At the eerie hallway full of antiquities]
Lincoln: “Can this get ANY BETTER!? Cristina is so cool and look at this! This is technically my house. Well, my house with less laundry on the floor, less equations on the walls, less smelly diapers,” [whispering] “and less noise. One thing is certain though, I could do without all those heads of... Cristina's aunties I believe?” [referring to the marble busts of middled aged women lined near the walls across the hall] “Now if you'll excuse me, into the breach! Luna can I get some travel music? [realizes she's not there] “Bummer, ok let's just do this.”
[Lincoln does a lot of unnecessary stunts to reach the furthermost door, he nearly breaks a colorful Fabergé Egg but manages to catch it, all while accompanied by dead silence]
Lincoln: “That was anticlimactic. Don't you agree Luna? Oh, right...”
[Lincoln enters, finishes his business and devilishly decides to leave the seat up for the heck of it, washes his hands, and lowers it again ASAP looking worried]
Lincoln: “Seat is down, Lori! No need for unnecessary...” [realizes he is alone and that he just shouted, covers his mouth] “...violence. Get ahold of yourself man; your sisters are at home, remember?” [enters the adjacent room to get Cristina's sketches, immediately looks up] “Not every door is rigged with Luan's pranks... no impromptu jam sessions with Luna...” [gets the papers, leaves the room and slowly walks towards Cristina's, now feeling uneasy] “...no fun quarrels between Lana and Lola... Ahhh!”
[A grandfather clock's bell suddenly reverberates through the house making Lincoln take cover]
Lincoln:“...None of Lisa's exploding experiments!” [keeps walking] “This is almost too... spooky. LUCY!” [sharply turns back to discover... no one, turns to the audience] “Come on, you can't blame me for that one. Spooky Lucy scaring me every time...” [enters the room]
Cristina: “You're back! Did you find the... what did you do to Twistara and Captain Crush?”
Lincoln: [notices he just ripped apart her papers] “Whaaat? When, how did this happen? Lori... she was stalking me and... Lisa! Lisa's stupid unstable experiment... the sudden boom!”
Cristina: “You mean the grandfather clock that rang just now? [amused] I take you don't have one at home?”
Lincoln: “No no, we have...” [realizing he just made a fool of himself] “...far scarier things.”
Cristina: “Well fortunately for you, these weren't my favorite designs. But,” [sympathetic] I say we better go back to studying. What do you think?”
Lincoln: [ashamed] “I... I'm thinking that too.”
[Afternoon, Lincoln is seen walking home, looking down]
Lincoln: “That could have gone better, I can't believe I spent most of the time worried about what my sisters could do if they were there. This has never happened anywhere else! Good thing Cristina didn't make much of it; we agreed to meet up tomorrow at her house again. And this time, nothing is gonna trigger me.” [rings the Loud House doorbell, gets an electric shock from it]“Oh, now you show up Luan!”
Luan: [from behind a bush] “Hope that rings a bell.” [laughs] “Get it?”
[In Lincoln's room, speaking with Clyde via radio]
Lincoln: “I don't know what happened Clyde, I never meant to rip her drawings apart! My sisters are troublesome even when they're not there”
Clyde: “I dunno buddy, sounds to me like your conscience was playing tricks on you. Maybe you should bring one to accompany you next time. May I suggest Lori? (swoons)”
Lincoln: “Clyde, did you listen what I just said? Pretty sure I'm better off without Miss Big Leagues. Or the 'Extreme Pool' Pro.”
Clyde: “Well, you haven't given Luan a chance. Didn't you say she was next?”
Lincoln: “Exactly! Now it's time for the Princess of Pranks to ruin this for me. I'm better off taking Lily or even enduring Lisa's actual explosions.”
Lisa: [enters abruptly] “What explosion? Did you stumble across my Potassium Nitrate?”
Lincoln: “Um, no. Lisa, how much of our conversation have you listened to?”
Lisa: “Surely you know if that was of my concern I could just have hijacked the signal don't you?”
Lincoln: “Of course, thanks for not taking interest in spying me.”
Lisa: “As a matter of fact, I have noticed my surveillance on you has decreased as of recent, unfortunately hijacking signals does not cover the greater picture, that's why I invented...” [leaves, but a floating nautilus-like device with a camera eye takes her place, Lisa's voice is heard through it] “...the Intercontinental Surveillor of Privacy Irruption! Or I-SPI as I call it. How about this? I'm watching you! I'm watching you! I'm watching you for science!” [Lincoln nonchalantly slams the door with the drone in front of it and the sound of the device breaking down is heard] “That was Unit 09, Lincoln!”
Lincoln: [continues speaking with Clyde]“As I was saying, I'm still trying again tomorrow, alone. I'm gonna condition myself to not think about my sisters, ransom school lunch to avoid eating at their table again, and I'm not entering any rooms besides the ones I need to. Everything it takes not to get reminded of this house.”
Clyde: “In that case I better not go with you; I could remind you of Lori.(simpers)”
Lisa: “And this is how a foolish victim of unrequited love tends to look like”.
Clyde: “Wha-? Lisa? Are you here?” [Notices one of Lisa's floating robots at the window] “Ahhh!” [startled, throws a pillow at it, effectively destroying it] “No! Not Unit 09 Mk-II”!
[The next day Lincoln reaches Cristina's front door]
Lincoln: "My mind will play no tricks on me this time; let's face it: A time will come where I gotta face a world devoid of you-know-who, and I can't think of a better place than this to start living it. I mean, I already got mom and dad's permission to study here again, I just had lunch so there's no need to delve deeper into her house, and there's absolutely no need to fear for anything else!" [hysterical] "NOTHING!" [Cristina opens the door] "Hey Cristina."
Cristina: "Hey Lincoln, come in."
[Both are seen crossing the hallway, Lincoln is already looking anxious]
Lincoln: "S-so what's the plan for today? We're taking a look at more of your designs? Some monsters?"
Cristina: "How do you like these monsters!" [points to the marble busts] "Ta-da! My aunties!"
Lincoln: [startled] "Yeeeeah... I think I saw those yesterday. How about we continue to your room and get to studying?"
Cristina: "Sorry, I know they're unsettling but daddy refuses to store them or throw them away. He likes to joke it's because they fit with the other antiquities, but I'm sure he likes to get reminded of his sisters."
Lincoln: [This last word echoes within Lincoln's head and the next thing he hears is...]
Lisa's voice: "Lincoln! What are you doing here?"
Lincoln: "Lisa? Lisa!? Did you seriously have one of your dumb drones follow me?" [begins frantically searching for it]
Cristina: "Lincoln? You feeling OK?"
Lisa's voice: "Are you trying to escape from us?"
[Lincoln traces the voice's origins to one of the auntie busts who completely turns into... Lisa?]
Lisa's head: "I'm watching you! We all are."
Lincoln: "What in-!?"
[another bust turns into Lori]
Lori's head: "You seriously thought you could escape from us, twerp? Your head will, literally, roll!"
[another head turns into Leni's]
Leni's head: "Yeah! You got like, no shame, leaving your hair on the shower handle."
Lori's head: "Uh, Leni? This is about he not telling us about his oh-so-important date."
Leni's head: "Well, I'm still mad about the handle incident."
[Yet another head turns into Luna's]
Luna's head: "Weak bro, weak."
[the two remaining busts turn into Lana and Lola's heads]
Lana and Lola's heads: "You don't trust us huh? Afraid of what we can do to you?"
Lincoln: "No! That's not it... I just wanted to..."
Lana and Lola's heads: "Well, you should!" [both laugh maniacally]
[A creepy baby doll turns her head 180° to face Lincoln, it has the head of Lily]
Lily's angry head: "Poo-poo!"
Fabergé egg with Lynn's face: "Extreeeme pool!"
Mop with Lucy's face: "Having hallucinations? Kudos to you brother; your mind is a citadel of darkness and fear."
Grandfather clock with Luan's face: "Ring a BELL!?" [laughs maniacally and the bell tolls]
Lincoln: "Aaaaaaaah!" [Runs in horror out of the house]
Cristina: [Standing in awe] "Daaad! We're getting rid of this clock right now."
[Lincoln is still running in panic to his house, Lori is seen driving by and notices his brother, she parks her car and calls from behind him]
(real) Lori: "Hey, hold it right there Lincoln! Where are you going? What happened with your boring study session?"
Lincoln: "Lori! I can't take it anymore! I'm fine with any chaperone! Even you!"
Lori: "Whoa, what are you spouting now, brat?"
Lincoln: "I-I went to Cristina's house! Without telling anyone!"
Lori: "And is she your girlfriend or... wait a second, you mean the girl you liked and literally put to shame in front of everyone? Omigosh you have to tell me everything!"
Lincoln: "Wait, so you're not angry?"
Lori: "Angry? Why should I be? You're making me angry with your riddles, though."
Lincoln: "I mean, after Leni chaperoned you at your first date with Bobby, you were never the same. You didn't let Lynn get close to that big leagues linebacker! And then Lynn and her games ruined Luan's own time! Now Luan is next! She wants to ruin this day for me! And suddenly I saw all of you at her house! Scolding me for not telling anyone!"
Lori: "Okay, okay, okay put a sock in it for a bit. I think I'm getting it: You thought I told all of you about my disaster date with Bobby as some sort of vengeance oath? [Lincoln sheepishly nods] No! That was just an example on how you shouldn't let Leni handle some things! Specially dying your hair."
Lincoln: "So... you weren't chaperoning Lynn when you separated her from that other player?"
Lori: "Who? Oh, I knew that schmuck. Already had a girlfriend and was already cheating on her! Nothing wrong in protecting my little sister from trash like that, is it?"
Lincoln: "And what about Lynn and her extreeeme pool?"
Lori: "Lynn just being Lynn, she practiced on me too!"
Lincoln: [calming down] "Oh, guess that makes sense."
Lori: "Alright, listen Lincoln: I know it's fun, but we're not 24/7 dedicated at making your life miserable. Literally, we'd never do that over the things that are important to you."
Lincoln: [smiling] "Come to think of it, everything I imagined you all would say was probably worse than actually having you there."
Lori: [in a caring tone] "Aw... You're pathetic! Fiiine. I'm gonna regret this, but I'll tell you part 2 of that chaperone fiasco, but don't you go telling anyone else or I'll turn you into a human pretzel!"
[Flashback to Lori and Bobby's first date, Lori is trying to get the paint off his hair]
Lori: "I'm so sorry Bobby! Leni's not always like this, there are times when... when... when she's not here!"
Bobby: "Wow, your... your hands are so soft." [Lori's eyes gleam tenderly, Bobby smiles at her and she returns it] "Your family seems interesting. Care to let me into your world, babe?"
Lori: "Oh Bobby-booboo-bear."
Bobby: "My milkshake seems to have survived, want to finish it together?"
Lori: "I'd love to."
[They begin doing so, until Leni comes back]
Leni: "Sorry, I also left my mascara at home, but I found the perfect substitute!" [is seen riding a massive jackhammer, she turns it on and Lori and Bobby flee in terror. End flashback]
Lori: "Mom and dad never let Leni chaperone anyone after that. But if I gotta be honest, it was thanks to her Bobby and I truly got something going on after that. What I'm getting is, don't be afraid to ask us if you need help. Even if it doesn't go as planned, we will never try to ruin it. Then again if it doesn't go as planned, who says it will not go better?"
Lincoln: [smiles in gratitude] "Thanks Lori! You think it's too late to save it?"
Lori: "Get in the car, twerp."
[Lincoln does so, riding away and accidentally running over another one of Lisa's surveillance drones along the way]
Lisa's voice: "Nooo! Not Model 09 Mk-II α!"
[Lincoln gets off Lori's car, back at Cristina's front porch]
Lincoln: "My sisters are not the stalking monsters I sometimes imagine them to be: They are just how they are. I might have to face a world without them someday, but for the time being, I must remember that they only want to help, not make it worse. And let's face it, it's with their help that It'll be easier to face that world." [takes off a buzzing device from Cristina's doorbell] "Nice try, Luan!"
Luan: [from behind a bush] "Aw, I see there's no shocking you!" [laughs] "get it?"
[Both enter Cristina's house]
Cristina: "Lincoln! You're back! I see you invited one of your sisters!"
Lucy: [scaring everyone] "Two sisters, in fact."
Luan: "You invited Lucy too?"
Luan: "Oh, then it was me. I figured she could help with the atmos-FEAR!" [laughs, Cristina chuckles a bit too] "She gets it!"
Cristina: "Then let me guess, you want to go straight to study."
Lincoln: "Actually, why don't we go see your designs first?"
Luan: "Oooh, is it hot in here or did Lisa get an idea?" [laughs]
Lincoln: [going upstairs with Cristina] "Lisa's not here Luan."
Luan: "Oh... right." [starts feeling uneasy at the seemingly empty house]
Lucy: "Don't worry, the dead will keep us company."
Luan: "I knew I should have invited Luna."